I’ve written this first sentence multiple times.
I’ve started and restarted a blog more times than I’d like to remember. Remembering would cause pain in my heart for not continuing my “Personal Legend” years ago when the callings first began. But I’m here now. I’m showing up now, and that’s better than never showing up again.
I don’t know why I feel like I’m called to start a blog. I’ve had this calling for over 10 years now, and I’ve only ever dabbled in it, feeling the temperature of the “water” before jumping all in. I never jumped all in; I was too scared. I feared the work involved and if the outcome would be a disappointment compared to the amount of work put in. I felt like an imposter; who was I to write a blog? I’m not the best writer, nor do I consider myself an expert in anything to write about. I was scared of failing, and then what? And I was scared of succeeding. What would life look like if I succeeded? The thought that plagued my mind when I thought of succeeding was, “With great power comes great responsibility.” And I didn’t know if I was able to handle the responsibility.
At first glance, I chalked up my inability to maintain a blog as pure laziness. And to a degree, there is some of that to blame. But I think it’s easier to blame stagnation on something as simple as laziness. It’s much harder to confront the reality of the situation and come to terms with the fact that fear has been a predominant ruler in your life. I hate that I have let fear rule with unchallenged authority for so long. Not only has feared ruled my entrepreneurial ambitions, but it has ruled over my health, my career, my love life, and now my parenthood.
I would say life by itself has become a lot scarier now that I have a child. I have a human that is completely dependent on me. His physical and emotional health, his overall well-being, his care and feeding, his bathing, and his ability to receive and give love is all on my shoulders. It’s an enormous job that I don’t want to mess up. Couple that with the love I have for my son, and I’m terrified of him getting hurt in any capacity. However, I’m learning that if I let fear rule his development, his adventure, and his curiosity, then I’m letting fear inhibit his learning and growth. I’m putting the kibosh on his confidence, and that would be extremely detrimental.
So that is why I’m here. All the things I feared before in my previous attempts to start a blog are all still very much present right now. But what has changed is my realization of how detrimental fear can be in living a beautiful and fulfilling life. I’ll be damned if I let fear get in the way of living the life I was meant to live for myself and for my family.
I’m not dabbling anymore. I know what the water feels like, and the only way to get past that initial chill is to jump all in.
I’m cannonballing in, baby!